the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
