I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
