Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
