just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
