There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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