Sry I called you an 8
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
