it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
