i used baking grease as lip gloss
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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