I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
