Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
