I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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