what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
