if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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