And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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