I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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