I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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