ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He passed out mid-signature
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
