I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
