I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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