I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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