My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
