it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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