I accidentally burped into my bong.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
