the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
