Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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