i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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