Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
