He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
