I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
