you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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