this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
