You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
