What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
