Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
