so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
