in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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