Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
