So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
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