I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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