does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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