I wannas sexs uuuuu
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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