I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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