So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
