she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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