would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
