her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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