Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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