I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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