you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
