i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
