It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
