Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
