No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
