Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
