I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
