My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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