Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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