That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
