Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
