I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
