I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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