Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
