how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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