I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
