His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize