She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
