Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
