i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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