Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
