I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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