i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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