Your favorite bartender is back from prision
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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