I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
i've created a new STD.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize
