Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
