Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
