What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
