Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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