White coat. Heels.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
