drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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