I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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