Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
