you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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