your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
