so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
