Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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