I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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