You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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