I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
