Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize