Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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