If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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