i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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